Today I started seeing some of the youngest children for play therapy.  The mothers of nearly all of the children here in this orphanage have died.  It seems that in addition to the loss of their mothers many have experienced various other losses and significant trauma.  I feel it is privilege to be able to journey with these children and pray that my presence, love, and skills will enable me to somehow be a healing presence for each of them.  Since I am doing clinical social work, and am very conscious of confidentiality, I will not post any pictures of the children on this blog, but trust me, if you were to see their smiles, and even at times their tears you could not help but love them. 

Over the weekend I was included in the region meeting for the Sisters of Holy Cross in Haiti.  Walking into the building when I arrived at the site of the meetings, there was large picture of Fr. Moreau, the founder Holy Cross.  Certainly the connections and charism common to the Holy Cross family has helped me to feel at home here.  I was happy to meet so many sisters and felt very welcomed and included in their meetings and conversations at table and during breaks.    

I brought my pocket Haitian Creole-English Dictionary to the meeting over the weekend so I could look up any unknown words.  The dictionary proved useless however, not because of my vastly improved knowledge of Creole, but because the meetings were held in French.  Fortunately, for me, there were two American sisters there, who were willing and very able to translate what was being said directly into English for me during the meetings.  When we broke off into groups on Saturday to share, for my sake, an English speaking group was formed.  On Sunday when we shared briefly in small groups, the sisters near me where willing to share in Creole instead of French which I appreciated, and an American sister was in the group to clarify anything I did not understand well.   I was very grateful for their willingness to accommodate me.

Internet connections have been challenging.  After many attempts sometimes I can get on for a few minutes.  I have not been able to fully access my Facebook page at all.  If you are expecting an email response and have not received one this is the reason. 

There are several other topics I had wanted to write about including: hearing about the death of the former president/dictator Papa Doc during the meetings,  learning to remove beans from pods, the funeral of the father of one of the workers, the houses that are being knocked down that we pass on our way to church, the American airlines flights that started coming into Cap Haitian, and getting a phone, but it is getting late and may take a while to get on line and paste this into the blog, so maybe I will say more about some of those later or just leave the details to your imagination.   Bon Nwit! 

On Wednesday, I arrived safely in Port-au-Prince.  Before making the trip to Cap Haitian, I had the privilege of visiting NPH, the program where I worked when I was in Haiti previously.  When I arrived at the new Kay Ste. Ann and the door was open for me, two boys, whose names and faces I knew well came walking towards me quickly and smiling.  I nearly cried with joy, because both of these children have disabilities and one of them could only take a couple of steps at a time independently when I left; the other was not walking at all (the first was the child who I accompanied when had was baptized, the other was the young boy who had been abandoned in the Cholera hospital see previous entries from May 8, 2011 and May 29th 2011.)  It was truly a joy to see the children.  How much they have grown in nearly three years!  It was important for me to see them in their new houses. I reconnected with friends there and met some new volunteers that evening.  The following morning, I attended mass at the little chapel by the Sr. Damien hospital.  The mass, as usual was a funeral, that day for two children.  I am grateful that I had the opportunity to visit there before, beginning my new ministry in Haiti. 

I spent one night in Port-au-Prince at the house that the Sisters of Holy Cross have there.  Early the following morning a Canadian Holy Cross sister who has been in Haiti for over 50 years, a driver and I left for Cap Haitian.  Most of the way, there was a pretty decent rode; sometimes we could see the ocean was on one side of us and mountains on the other.  The sister had some very interesting stories to tell from her many years in Haiti.    

When I arrived at the orphanage here in Cap Haitian the children and sisters were eating lunch.  I was shown to my room, which is quite lovely.  The house is quite nice; it is simple, but we always have electricity and running water.  There are currently three Haitian sisters, one French-Canadian sister, and Canadian lay woman who is volunteering here until the end of October, and now me in the convent which is on the grounds of the orphanage.  I am enjoying the sisters and getting to know them.  Language has been somewhat challenging at times as I am the only one in the house who speaks English fluently.  I have very much enjoyed meeting the children and look forward to working with them.  On Sunday evening we had a party for two of the children’s birthdays.  The children sang and danced and had special treats to eat.  It was quite enjoyable. 

I am glad to be here.  I have not been able to access the internet often or easily.  I wrote this in word so I  paste into the blog when on-line.  By tomorrow I should have a telephone.  I hope that you are well.  Take care!    

many possible entries condensed into one

As I write this entry, I really should be doing something else, like finishing packing, cleaning out the my desk drawer, organizing papers, writing the many thank you notes I want to send before I leave and 100 other tasks.

I have not even left for Haiti, and yet I feel like I have gotten behind on updating this blog.  In the previous entry I had expected to write about the transfer of vows liturgy and how grateful I was for all those who attended: my parents, my twin sister (who surprised me by coming),  a sister and good friend from my previous congregation, a friend who was a Redeemer Ministry Corps (lay volunteer) with me many years ago, members of the local Catholic Haitian community (who sang beautifully after communion), other religious,  friends, and of course many Marianites.  The priest who presided at the liturgy was born in Rhode Island, spent many years ministering in Haiti, and currently lives here in New Orleans.  I was filled with joy and gratitude, or as they say in Haitian Creole, "kè kontan," which translates to "happy heart."

Another topic I want to include was the graciousness with which my previous congregation has accepted and even supported my transfer.  For this I am extremely grateful and deeply touched!      

I also wanted to write about the prayer, and blessing, followed by ice cream cake and conversation that we had here with the sisters in both convents on the property where I have lived for nearly three years.  I will miss each of them and am grateful for their love and support.  Thanks for the beautiful, prayerful send off!

Last night, I attended the Haitian Creole mass here in New Orleans; at the end there was a travel blessing for me.  I could write a entire blog entry about how I began attended that liturgy occasionally to help me not forget the language when I first returned and then gradually in time found myself attending with greater regularity because the liturgies and music are so energizing; it really became my Sunday worship community.  Mesi anpil anpil anpil!      

I also thought about writing an entry about how Fr. Moreau, the founder of the Holy Cross congregations sent religious out  to the "foreign missions" from the very beginning, sometimes when they were very new in the congregation, and to far away places when travel was much more difficult.  It is a privilege to be called to live the charsim of Holy Cross; please pray for me, that I will do so to to the best of my ability.      

Well if I had really written longer more detailed entries about all of those things, I may have bored you, anyway.  I do not intend to update this blog again until I am on the other side of the Gulf of Mexico.  In the mean time, know that I am very grateful for the prayers and support of so many people. Take care!  Many Blessings!          

Transfer: the previously un-blogged details of my Haiti/ transfer story.

The other day I was wondering if I should include a blog update about my transfer from the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer to the Marinaites of Holy Cross, after all this blog is about Haiti. I barely finished the thought, when a realization followed.  My connections to Haiti and my discernment regarding transferring as well as the transfer process itself are very much interconnected.  There were parts of the story left out from this blog, in part because I needed some privacy and freedom to discern.

One of the main reasons for my restlessness in my previous congregation was my sense that I was being called to something else, to go where the needs are the greatest (that is not to say or infer that there are not great needs everywhere; there are.)  Very early in 2010, I was already well into discerning the possibility of transferring, to the point of having some initial conversations with the leadership teams of both congregations.  In one conversation I had with the provincial of the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer she wondered, how it would be for me to try staying a Sister of the Holy Redeemer and perhaps minister elsewhere for a time.  I said I would discern about that possibility and spent a weekend by the Jersey shore praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit.  I felt that God wanted me to try this, to see how it might be to remain a Sister of the Holy Redeemer while working in a ministry and place where sisters in that congregation generally have not served.

I met again with the provincial, one Sunday after mass and said that I did feel called to try this arrangement and not proceed with the transfer at that time, but stated that I could not promise that the call to transfer would go away, because I just did not know.  At that point, I was not necessarily thinking about leaving the country, but being open to whatever God wanted.  I thought I could go to Appalachia, rural Mississippi or might have even considered going across the (Delaware) river to live and serve in a poor section of Camden.  Prior to meeting with me, I don't think Anne Marie had given much thought as to where I would go.  It seems to me that she surprised herself when she said, something like, "If you want to go where the needs are the greatest, maybe you could go to Haiti?"  The earth quake had just happened  a couple of weeks earlier and at that moment I could not have thought of a place where the needs were any greater.  When the earth quake happened, I was in the process of  reading the book Mountains Beyond Mountains, by Tracey Kidder, which chronicles Paul Farmer's work in Haiti.  Going to Haiti made perfect sense; my only concern was whether or not I would be able to learn the language.    

When I was first in Haiti, I was focused on life in Haiti and gave little thought to transferring.  By the Spring time, as the province was preparing for chapter, the possibility that I might be called to transfer arose again.  I was realizing that discerning the possibility of transferring had already taken a lot of time and energy, so I promised myself I would make a decision during my retreat (in New Jersey) that summer and if the decision was not to transfer, I would with the grace of God really, finally let the idea go completely.  On the afternoon of the last day of retreat, I still had no clarity, but did at one point reach a sense of peace with the possibility of not making a decision just yet.  I remember thinking that I want God to hit me on the head with this and make it perfectly clear, and came to the conclusion that the perfect clarity I want from God, may never come.  Then that very evening, God did hit me on the head with it, and provide the perfect clarity I had just decided might not exist.  A Sister of the Holy Cross, who had been in a "small health care community" prior to "coming to Holy Cross" sat down next to me, and even though the meal was supposed to be in silence, having no idea that I had any connection to the Marinaites whatsoever, or that I was a member of a "small health care community" started a conversation with me.  Everything she said regarding her own experiences, spoke to and eased my own fears about transferring.  This was the clarity that I needed, at that point I knew I was called to start the transfer process.

It was also quite clear to me, that I would need to leave Haiti, sooner rather than later once I knew in my heart I would leave the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer and transfer to the Marianites of Holy Cross.  It was not that I wanted to leave Haiti at that point, I had expected to stay of two years and had only been there about a year.  An american sister, from another congregation, who I confided in while in Haiti, said to me "Haiti will always be here."  Maybe someday God would invite me back to Haiti.   (I did not even imagine that I would literally be returning to Haiti, 10 days after completing the transfer process.)  

  Several months ago when discussing my interest in ministering in collaboration with another Holy Cross congregation overseas it was stated that I would need to complete the three year transfer process before leaving on mission.

 So basically, because I was discerning the possibility of transferring, ministering in Haiti became a possibility.  The decision to transfer then became the main reason I left Haiti when I did.  Now that the transfer process is complete, I will be going to Haiti, Si Bon Dye vle.    

   

The Paradox of Preparation

I have been doing several activities to prepare for Haiti.  I have been reading books about play therapy and working cross culturally.   I have been reviewing and even trying to learn some new Creole vocabulary words as well as listening to and reading Haitian Creole.  I visited a travel health specialist and received a couple of vaccinations.  All that I do is likely to be helpful.  In some ways though based on my previous experience, nothing can fully prepare me for Haiti; I will face challenges which I will likely feel and will be utterly unprepared for.  God will give me the grace to do the best I can in whatever situations I encounter.  So the paradox is, preparation is extremely important even though nothing can truly prepare me.  In actuality, I will be both utterly unprepared and very well prepared at the same time.

August Update

The month of August has gone quickly and has been filled with many graces and blessings.  I spent time in New Jersey visiting the Marianites who live there.  That was followed by a wonderful eight day directed retreat at St. Mary By the Sea in Cape May Point.  I had the opportunity to visit with sisters from my previous congregation and connect with friends in the Philadelphia area.  Ten days were then spent in Rhode Island with family and friends there.  This year I was especially blessed that my twin sister and I were able to celebrate our birthday together.  This last weekend of the month was spent in prayer and community with several sisters in preparation for the transfer of my and another sister's vows into the Marianites of Holy Cross.  How grateful I am to have so many people in my life who are so supportive and whom I care about deeply and for all of the experiences I have had this month and in my life.

Prior to my first experience in Haiti, the song, Lord You Have Come resonated within my heart as I prepared for mission (see http://kmnhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/06/seek-other-shores.html.)  The first weekend I was in New Jersey when I attended a parish liturgy, the last day of retreat, the Sunday I attended liturgy at the provincilate of the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer, as well as the Sunday I attended mass at St. Veronica's in Narragansett, that song was sung (only once was there a possibility that the musician choose the song because I was there and she knew the significance.)  It is a song that continues to play in my heart as I am challenged once again to "seek other shores."
In less than a month I will be in Haiti.  The coming weeks will be for preparing to finalize the transfer of my religious vows, and preparing for Haiti.  I have much to look forward to, and much to be grateful for.     Thank you to everyone who is supportive of me in any way and Thanks be to God.  Mesi Bon Dye!  

Transitions and Changes

Once again, I find myself in the midst of major transitions.  Thursday will be my last day at Covenant House New Orleans.    I am grateful for the experiences I gained, the people I met, the opportunity to have worked at a place that has a mission which resonate with my own, and for all that I learned in my two years there.   As I have enjoyed my work there and will miss many residents and coworkers, it is sad to leave.  At the same time, I am really looking forward to visiting with my Marianite Sisters in New Jersey, going on retreat, visiting with my Holy Redeemer sisters and friends, and then spending time with my family.  This year for the first time in several, my twin sister and I will be celebrating our birthday together!  After vacation, I will return to New Orleans to prepare for the transfer of my vows in mid September.  In late September I will leave for Haiti.  I have so much to look forward to!      

I have made a few changes to this blog.  Often people ask me if I need anything for Haiti, so i decided to post a wish list.  These are not things that I really need, but rather items that I would like to obtain which will likely be useful when doing play therapy with the children at the orphanage in Haiti, and they can fit in a suitcase.  There is also now an easy way to sign up to receive this blog in your email when it is updated.  If you have any suggestions for how to improve this blog please let me know. Thank you!      

Many Blessings!    

  

        

Preparations

In preparing to go to Haiti, I have taken some steps to improve my language abilities.  Haiti Hub was one of the first resources I used to begin to learn Creole, and so I returned to that website.  Now there are on-line modules and the program is no longer free, as it was four years ago when I took an on line class via Skype.  It is well worth the price.  I was able to work through the modules with greater confidence and ease then I had taking the Skype class four years ago.  I an now even considered a "Haiti Hub All Star."  The modules helped me to relearn some forgotten words and to identify mistakes I was making routinely.  A few months ago I was able to download for free the entire Haitian Creole New Testament, available on Amazon.com.  When I am running on the tread mill or through the streets of New Orleans I am often listening.   I can exercise, pray and practice my Creole listening comprehension all at the same time; what could be better than that!  

When I was at a play therapy conference here in New Orleans a few months ago, and won a door prize for a gift certificate towards a portion of the price of a weekend long play therapy training called Camp Playmore, I asked my congregation if  I would be able to go.  I actually expected that the answer would be "no," given the travel and other costs since the training was in Arizona.  The leadership team said "yes" supporting the fact that it would help to prepare me to again work with younger children in Haiti.  Last Thursday I flew to Phoenix and took a shuttle to Sedona Arizona.  I had never been that far west before and was amazed at the landscape.  Never had I seen such red rocks,  mountains of such varied shape, or  tall cactus.  My words can not possibly do justice to the beauty I witnessed.  I was not sure what to expect.  One of the two presenters was the speaker during one day at the Louisiana Play Therapy conference here in New Orleans last March, but other than that everyone was a complete stranger when I arrived on Thursday night.  By Sunday I felt grateful for having met some gifted, wonderfully supportive, and amazing play therapists who despite the brevity of knowing them I would now dare to call friends.  The conversations and activities inspired me and energized me.  I truly believe that God wanted me to attend Camp Playmore and to meet the people I encountered.  During the past week at Covenant House, I found myself using some ideas I had received during the workshop and somehow felt a little freer and more confident in my clinical work with clients, as a result of those days.  Now I find myself feeling even more excited about going to Haiti and working with younger children once again.  

While I was in the airport Sunday afternoon, people were gathered around a large television by a restaurant cheering because America was playing in the World Cup.  I smiled and remembered that when I was studying Creole in Miami four years ago, classmates were running to a student lounge area to check the football scores during breaks.  One again I am preparing to go to Haiti while the world is watching the Wold Cup.  I wonder where I will be the next time the World Cup is played??  M pa konnen (I don't know.)  

I will try to update this once a month until I arrive in Haiti at which point my goal will be weekly updates assuming that internet connections are available and cooperative.     I hope you are enjoying the summer.  Take care!        

M pral tounen!

It has been over a year since I updated this blog and over four years since I wrote the first entry.  This blog has so far included my preparation for Haiti, my experience in Haiti, and re-entry, the process of returning and re-adjusting to life in the United States.  Life is cyclical.  Now another cycle begins. The story continues, as I am now once again in the process of preparing to be missioned to Haiti.    

In September, I will most likely complete the transfer process and profess my vows as a Marianite of Holy Cross and soon after that I will travel to Haiti, si Dye vle (if God wants, that was one of the first phrases I learned when studying Haitian Creole in Miami see the post from July 3, 2010.)  The three Holy Cross women's congregations are  committed to collaborating with one another.  The Sisters of Holy Cross have sisters in Haiti and apparently there is a need for a clinical social worker to provide services at their orphanage and high school in Cap Haitian.  So, I continue my journey trying as always to listen to the voice of God in my heart and in the needs of the world. Always trying to say yes, and remain open to go wherever the Spirit seems to be leading me.  It seems that Spirit is leading me back to Haiti, but I am not going to the same place, at the same time, or in the same exact circumstances.  

Even if I were to go back to the same place, it would not be the same; I know that much has changed there.  Just today I saw on Facebook that the older children (at St. Louie) in NPH's Father Wasson Angles of Light program have finally moved into houses.  When I first arrived in Haiti the older children were in the process of moving from tents into converted shipping containers.  I am so happy to see that they are finally living in real houses!  Here is the link to on-line photos showing the blessing of the new houses. https://plus.google.com/photos/111190824747486463657/albums/6006672697167819409?banner=pwa 

So to anyone who might actually be reading this, especially if you happen to be reading it from beginning to now, it may seem redundant that I am again writing about preparing to go to Haiti, and some general themes could possibly be repeated at some point, yet  it will not be the same.  Let us see how the story unfolds... It is in God's hands.  I will do my best to keep the blog up to date, for anyone who might be interested and for myself to look back on from time to time. Writing this blog and reading it helps me to remember and make sense of my journey, to see patterns and recognize gifts that sometimes only become clearer with the passing of time.

  

"Rentry" Workshop: From Mission to Mission

Last weekend I attended the From Mission to Mission weekend workshop which was held in New Jersey.  From Mission to Mission is an organization that supports people who return to the United States after an experience as a missioner or volunteer.  It was a gift to meet people who have served in places as varied as Micronesia, Honduras, Libya and Appalachia and to hear their stories.  Having an opportunity to tell the story to my experience in Haiti to people who listened well and understood was a very freeing experience.  As I spoke I recalled events, people, details that I had not given thought to recently even though not a day has gone by when I have not thought about Haiti.  It seemed that as soon as I finished speaking about the most challenging parts like Cholera and the deaths of children, then happier memories would come such as the tender or funny moments with the children, the humor of a Haitian co-worker, the support of the other volunteers, the beautiful aspects of the Haitian culture or the taste of a fresh mango.

It was helpful to be reminded that returning home is sometimes the hardest part of a person's experience.  It was also helpful to acknowledge the difficult aspects of my time in Haiti and how the pain and suffering that surrounded me during those 14 months did effect me.  I feel that some healing took place during the weekend.  I know that I left the weekend feeling freer, lighter and even more grateful than before for having had the opportunity to serve in Haiti.

There were other gifts of the weekend as well.  The day the program started I was able to visit with a couple of Marianite sisters living in New Jersey.  On Sunday morning as the program was ending my parents drove all the way from Rhode Island to see me for a few hours, meet my great aunt and her husband for lunch and then drop me off at the airport.  It was gift to just to be in the north eastern part of the United States during the spring time when the forsythia was blooming.  Meeting the other participants in the program, lay men and women mostly younger than me, who are very committed to service and social justice reminds me that there is so much hope in the church and the world.    

I recommend that anyone returning from a ministry or services experience overseas participate in this program and even those working in domestic volunteer programs consider it.  The program is called From Mission to Mission to acknowledge that mission does not end just because a person has returned home after a service experience in another place.  My mission continues as I strive to love and be of service to those I encounter everyday in my current ministry, community and in life.

If you are interested in learning more about From Mission to Mission here is the link:
http://www.missiontomission.org/index.html