From Mission to Mission and Legacy of Love

From Mission to Mission: 

One of the most challenging aspects of any mission experience in another country for many people is "re-entry."  It is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood.  After spending time overseas, we come back changed, and often to find that the places and people we left have changed as well.  What is assumed to be a homecoming is often actually disorienting and difficult at least for a while.  When missioned in another country and culture we are not ever really fully at home there (we are always foreigners,) and when we return we typically don't feel fully at home either.  

Since my last update, I was fortunate to spend several days in San Antonio participating in a From Mission to Mission re-entry workshop.  It was a gift to meet and connect with others who have returned to the US after mission experiences in various places.  I am grateful that I was able to hear their stories and to be understood well when telling my own.  The workshop topics, prayer experiences, planned and spontaneous discussions were all very relevant and helpful.  I recommend anyone returning "home" after a ministry experience in another country consider participating in From Mission to Mission or another similar re-entry program (if one exists.)         

At one point in the workshop, we were asked to reflect upon our personal legacy.  For me, if we live and love well, legacy will happen naturally.  During our time for reflection on our personal legacies, I wrote the following:  

Legacy of Love

Let love be my legacy,

even if my name and face be long forgotten,

May my love live like little seeds of compassion

planted in the hearts of children.

Or like the drops of rain that nourish the seeds

and seem then to disappear

but leave the plant healthier because the raindrop once was there.

Or like a bit of fertile compost

feeding the seedling. 

Even if my name and face be long forgotten

may love be my legacy.   




The pictures included here were taken in San Antonio.  

May each of you experience many blessings during this season of Lent.  Take care.  

Trust in Transformation

A few days ago, I noticed many Monarch caterpillars clinging to Milkweed leaves on a cold (for Louisiana) and very windy day here in Metairie.

  The first picture is one I took the other day and the other I took last summer in New Orleans. 

Obviously, I added the words, probably for my own sake.  Currently, I am in an in-between time of uncertainty and transition.  Hopefully, this time will help me to grow and transform at least a little more fully into my true self, the person I was created to be. 

Since we all probably need this reminder from time to time, I am posting the photos here so that they can be shared. 

Many blessings as you hang in there and trust in transformation! 

Trees on Retreat

Yesterday I finished eight days of silent directed retreat.  In a sense it was very much needed, and yet I realize how very fortunate and privileged I am to be able to take this time.  I am grateful. 

This was the first time that I made retreat in the middle of winter, and I did so in New England.  To think early last month I was in a place where if the temperature dropped below 70 degrees Fahrenheit, it was considered cold.  On retreat this past week, when occasionally the temperature reached just above freezing I was thankful for the warm weather.   How quickly perspectives can dramatically shift with a change in environment! 

Trees caught my attention, especially the deciduous trees, which seemed so dead though, in reality, they are just dormant.  Such a contrast to the Mango and coconut trees I left behind in Haiti!  It somehow seemed to make sense that I was on retreat in winter, for I needed a moment of stillness, to be dormant like the trees and allow the Spirit to work silently in me. 

In some ways, though I realized that parts of myself that had been dormant began to awaken during retreat.  During my time in Grand Goave, I had not written poetry and took pictures only rarely. Writing even simple blog entries had become a chore so much so that when I returned I did not intend to continue writing regularly. During retreat, poems started writing themselves in my head as I walked along nature trails at a nearby park. A part of myself came back to life bringing with it the courage and hope necessary to begin again. 

For the second time, since I wrote what I thought might be my final Haiti blog entry, I  am writing again because I feel inspired to do so.  I want to share with you, anyone who is actually interested enough to read this, a poem and a photo of the image that inspired it. 


   

In a seeming mid-life moment, 

so unexpectedly the tall tree was chopped down, 

fallen, 

feeling and fearing failure.    

But, hope hides in the hollow of dead decaying stumps, 

and grief and growth go together, 

Wisdom winks and whispers 

of perpetual paschal patterns. 

What was will nourish all that will be. 

There upon the dead decaying stump, 

a new tree of another species grows, 

the roots of the two intertwine underneath

the former's fading, feeding the flourishing sapling.  

Peace and blessings to you!   

Rest-Stop Reflection

Reflection
On my way to visit my great aunt in New Jersey, I stopped at a rest stop.  After purchasing something to eat for lunch, I sat down.  At a nearby table, there was a woman wearing the uniform of one of the fast-food restaurants present at that rest-stop.  The woman was eating her lunch.  Another woman came by and spoke with her briefly before continuing on to do her work. They spoke to each other in Haitian Creole.   Since we were at very close by tables, both of us eating alone, I decided to start a conversation.  I started the conversation by sharing my observation in Haitian Creole that she speaks Haitian Creole.

We chatted about soup joumou, mangoes, and other Haitian foods.  Then, she talked about how life is difficult in the United States.  She has a couple of children and no other family here.  She misses her country and her family a lot.

In Haiti the majority of people are not able to find what would be considered stable employment.  Even with a hard to come by regular job, she would most likely be making considerably less money in a day than she is probably making an hour at the fast-food restaurant.  Still, raising children in the US, especially in a part of the country where the cost of living is high, must be a struggle.  She is doing so without the emotional and social support of extended family that she likely had in Haiti.  I felt a wave of empathy for her and realizing how for her both staying in Haiti and coming to the US, would so very difficult and in a much deeper way than I can honestly say I have experienced because so much of her energy probably goes into meeting basic needs, simply surviving. 

Immigration is a major topic on the news in this country these days since there is so much disagreement over funding of a wall to keep people who don't have the proper paperwork from entering the United States.  Currently, the federal government is partially shut down because of this.  While reflecting upon the conversation I had with the worker at the rest-stop, what I have witnessed in Haiti and the current political discourse in the United States, I concluded that at least from my perspective the whole immigration conversation and efforts are misguided.

Certainly, I don't know how to solve the world's complicated problems myself, but I was thinking, what if all of the money that could go into a wall, or other forms of "border security," would instead be used to seek creative solutions to eradicating poverty and work towards eliminating the conditions that drive people to leave their beloved families and homelands?   Immigration is not the problem;  "illegal immigration" is a symptom and response to systemic problems and extreme injustice. I am not saying that reallocating the much-debated potential "wall" money would fully solve any problem, just considering that it may be more effective; I am convinced that it would at least no less effective than a wall and much more humane.  Please understand, I am not suggesting that the money be allocated as charity, which can alleviate some short-term suffering but typically does nothing to change the system and too often reinforces unjust power differentials.  Let's get to the root of real problems instead of paranoid self-protection and obsessive exclusion.  The goal of any immigration policy would not be to exclude people who would choose to come to the United States, but to make it possible for those who would prefer to live in their homeland to do so and have access to employment that pays wages that allow them to do more than barely survive, access to  quality education for their children, and basic protections of civil rights and safety.

Let's listen to the stories and try to understand the realities of immigrants who have come to the US and those who desire to leave their countries because of the conditions they experience.  Let us not forget the stories of people in our own families (like my great aunt who I am visiting) who immigrated and the challenges they faced.  Let us build relationships instead of walls.     
 
Update
Last time I updated the blog, I was not sure if or when I would write again but felt inspired to share my reflection.  Thanks for taking the time to read it.  So many people who read my previous blog responded with support and compassion; thank you!

Despite

Despite the initial job posting which seemed to indicate that the organization was looking for someone with my exact education, skill set, and experience,
Despite my doing my homework about the organization, which included reading a book written by the couple who started the organization, asking questions, and  visiting before accepting the position,
Despite my taking time to prayerfully discern before even beginning the application process,
Despite my desire and all of my hard work,
the position of Program Administrator at  Brit's Home in Grand Goave simply did not work out as I had hoped and expected.

Two weeks ago, I returned to the United States. 

It was, difficult to say goodbye to children and employees who I had grown to love in the few months that I was there.  All of the children lined up to say goodbye to me the night before I left. We ate cake and danced.  There were lots of hugs and tears. 

After four school years in Cap-Haitian and nearly four months in Grand Goave, it was difficult to leave Haiti without a whole lot of time to prepare and especially not knowing if or when I will return.  Haiti has become a home to me; it has changed me, and mostly for the better.  Despite all of the challenges and problems in Haiti, there is something beautiful and wonderful about the country, the culture, and the people. Already, I miss it. 
 
Being stateside has advantages too.  It was a gift to be with my grandmother as we celebrated her 90th birthday and to celebrate Christmas with family. 

During my time in Haiti, my religious congregations, family, and friends have been very supportive of me and my work in many different ways.  I am grateful!  Thank you!  I know too that I as I again go through this processes of "re-entry," experience "reverse culture shock" and discern and transition into my next step (wherever and whatever it will be) that there are people in my life who will continue to be patient and supportive, and I am very appreciative. 

I know too that I will carry with me all that Haiti has taught me, and try to use those lessons and all my gifts in ways that benefit others, as I attempt to do my small part towards creating a more just, loving and peaceful world. 

Thank you, for taking the time to read my blog, my Haiti story.  Mèsi anpil! 

May you experience many blessings, peace, and joy during the new year! 

 

     

Embassy Emails, Table Quiz, Thanksgiving, Garden Grown

Embassy Emails
Today I received seven emails from the US embassy in Haiti; I received the same number yesterday and at least a few each day this week.  On Sunday I only received two, which is interesting since that was the day the protesting began.  The emails have not said anything specific about Grand Goave, not even the emails with lists of multiple places experiencing protests of one kind or another (burning tires, barricaded roads, gunshots)  One of the schools the children here attend has been closed all week probably because of its close proximity to the main road; the other school has been open all week as has our own BLB Academy.  Fortunately for us, things have been relatively quiet in Grand Goave although the little town has not been completely immune.   A little girl came directly to my office after school yesterday to tell me that she saw a burning tire in the street that morning.  While we have not had the violence or extreme situations of some larger cities and towns,  there have been some difficulties.  An important staff person who spent her weekend off in the capital, only returned to Grand Goave today, and that was not easy.  Twice this week I planned to visit an orphanage in a nearby town; both times we postponed the visit out of an abundance of caution because of the possibility of protests between here and there.  Hopefully, the situation will be resolved soon, as peacefully as possible and in a way that is truly just for all the people of Haiti. 
     Here is a link to a news article about the situation, in case you are interested.


Table Quiz
Today my cousins in Ireland, held a fundraiser for Be Like Brit, the organization I am working for.  They held a quiz night at a pub and raised 2,100 Euros for our educational programs.  Based on the pictures that they sent to me, it seems they had a good time in the process.  Thanks to everyone who was involved!  I appreciate you.

Thanksgiving
I hope that all of my family, community members and friends in the US, who celebrated Thanksgiving today had a great Thanksgiving.  While I did not celebrate today in any traditional way, I certainly have a lot to be thankful for everyday!   

Garden Grown 
Fresh fruits and vegetables are one of the many wonderful things that I am grateful for in Haiti.  Here are a few that grow in the garden right in our yard. 

Congo Beans

Papaya

Pomegranate

Cabbage

Okra

 
Thank you for taking the time to read my update.  Many blessings! 

  

How to Self-Care Here?

A few weeks ago I was invited to write my story for the Be Like Brit blog.  For most people who read my personal blog regularly there is no new information in the BLB blog post, but here is the link in case you are interested. 

BLB blog post 

As I sat down to write this, I heard a knock on my office door; my office is adjacent to my bedroom and connected by an internal door.  I debated for a second if I should answer it since today is my day off.  I could not see who was there and because the children have singing practice there is no way I could have asked through the door who is there and what the person wants and be heard or hear the response over the boisterous voices.  As I opened the door, I greeted the child and asked if it is an emergency, politely explaining that it is my day off.  Because of the volume of the music, it was hard for me to hear what the child was saying.  The child said, "yes," and then explains that he is having difficulty descending the Haitian flag that hangs in the courtyard and wants me to go on the roof to fix the problem.  I have done that before, but not on my day off  (it is a flat roof, and there is a perfectly safe staircase to get to it; just in case you are imagining otherwise.)  I suggested he ask the night supervisor to help with that and so I continue writing.  

 

In general, it is very convenient living where I work.  There is no commute time to account for; I never get caught in traffic.  The accommodations are wonderful here in many ways.  We even have electricity 24 hours a day and the tap water is treated and perfectly drinkable; it is rare for any home to have both of those things all of the time in Haiti.  My delicious meals are provided by very thoughtful kind kitchen staff, who even daily cut mangoes and melons for me, without my asking (actually, I would never ask or expect anyone to do that for me, but I appreciate because I don't get mango juice all over my clothes anymore.)  Even my laundry is done for me here, and it comes back the very same day!  (If I had to cut my own mangoes it probably wouldn't because it takes time to scrub out mango juice.)  The grounds here are quite safe; there are always multiple security guards working.  I am very grateful for all of this.  There is just one challenge that comes with it.      

At the last job I had in the states before I came back to Haiti, I was on the staff training committee and I did the training on self-care for my co-workers.  Self-care is something social workers and other helping/healing professionals need to be mindful of and are trained to consider, in order to do our best work and prevent burn-out.  I am finding that some of the strategies that I have come to rely on to prevent burn-out are more challenging to implement here.  How can I leave my work at work, when I don't leave work?  While I generally avoid working on my day off, I can't leave my bedroom without being at work; automatically boundaries are blurred and separation scarce.  My minuscule social life outside of work, is completely dependent on (sometimes very unstable) internet connections.  I have gotten accustomed to working six days a week, as that has been my norm during most of my time in Haiti.  Now, I feel like there is a bit of a learning curve for me when it comes to living and working in the same building, trying to do my best work and be available to the program staff and children, while meeting the expectations of those responsible, and doing so in a way that will be sustainable and healthy for me and everyone involved for the long run.            

It is not that I am not attempting to practice self-care.  I have been making sure I exercise which for me is essential to coping with stress and increasing my chances of sleeping well.  I am taking time for centering prayer, a form of silent meditation; sometimes during a 20 minute prayer period needing to discern multiple times if I should stop to answer a knock on my office door.  When the internet signal was consistently strong enough, I was doing very short yoga videos early in the morning and before bed regularly.  When I have a day off, I usually leave the building and head to the beach; for me to be at my best time spent in nature is a necessity and that is something that is available all year round in Haiti (yes, there are clearly some self-care advantages to being here.)  Despite these strategies, at least at the moment, I feel like I am struggling slightly to do self-care well here.       

  Thanks for letting me ramble a bit; I feel better already. Writing this has been a helpful self-care strategy over the years.  Sorry no pictures, this week; come to think of it, getting my camera out would probably help, too.  If anyone reading this wants to share strategies for self-care that have worked for you in for situations like mine please leave a comment below.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.    

No matter where you are and what you are doing be sure to take care of yourself.    Many blessings!  

          

               

A Brief Update and a Video

Sometimes I am surprised at how faithful I was to writing weekly blog updates during my first and second experiences in Haiti.  The objective has always been to keep my religious community, family, friends, and anyone else who was interested informed about what is going on here.  It was a way of keeping in touch.   Writing them has sometimes been a therapeutic activity for me, helping me to make sense of my experiences here in Haiti.  It is something that I have often enjoyed doing. 

Here I am two months into my third experience in Haiti and I have not been writing consistently every week.  In general, things have been going well.  I am enjoying the children and staff and find the work rewarding and appropriately challenging.  In some ways, I am still getting used to how things work here and have yet to put writing my blog into my weekly routine as I did when I was in Cap-Haitian and in Tabarre eight years ago.  There is always plenty to write about, and I have every intention of getting back on track.  For this week I will simply share with you a beautiful YouTube video that the organization I am working for created for a fundraiser they held in the states over the weekend.    Enjoy!

Have a good week!  Many blessings!

Shaking

Last Saturday night, (exactly one week ago) I sat down to watch a documentary about Irish history. I had downloaded it onto my cell phone from a Lousiaiana library.  I had the sound playing through a blue tooth speaker.   My phone was on the small metal table in my room.  I sat on a metal folding chair.  On the other side of my bedroom door, the children were playing.    At some point, something weird happened.  I felt like the room moved.  I thought to myself, "was that an earthquake?"  There was no discernable difference in the sounds coming from the other side of the door, and surely if it were an earthquake I assumed there would have been a change in sounds coming from the children. I came up with what seemed like logical explanations. Maybe a mouse ran into the chair and that caused the chair to vibrate.  Or maybe it was just the sound waves and the metal table and since this was the first time I watched a video on my phone with my phone on the metal table at the time that seemed at least as likely an earthquake. 

When the video was finished, I browsed through my facebook feed to see posts from people in groups for foreigners living in Haiti asking each other if they had felt tremors.  Oh, so I had not imagined anything, and a mouse did not run into my chair and it had nothing to do with sound waves and metal tables after all.  There had been an earthquake.  I went to talk to the staff.  The ones I spoke with first, had not felt it.  Then I went into the programming room, where two of the older boys were sitting with a weekend supervisor; of the 66 children, only two had felt it.  By the time I went to bed, there was a little information available on the internet stating that there had been an Earthquake in Port de Paix, which is in the north.  When I went to bed, there was not yet any news of injury or specific destruction.  I asked Google about news in Haiti, and nothing came up.  I concluded that it must not have been bad, and thought maybe the lack of details was an indication that there had been no real damage. 

The next morning, I checked online again before going to the early mass.  The earthquake had occurred in Port de Paix.   At least 11 people had died and many others were injured.  There was mention of fallen or damaged buildings including a church and a hospital.  I was saddened to hear that there was loss of life and at the same time grateful that it had not been worse. 

At the end of mass during the announcements, which since there is no church bulletin sometimes take a long time, the priest said that there had been an earthquake.  He said that there was havoc in Cap-Haitian in the north.  Then he proceeded to say that a Catholic church had fallen down; in either Plaisance or Pilate; he was not sure where.  While the actual tremor itself had not shaken me the night before, the priest's words certainly did.  I asked the women sitting near me if she knew which church had fallen, and she replied kindly, yet, dismissively "one in the north," possibly she assumed I was asking because I had not understood, but I was asking because I did understand the difference between Pilate and Plaisance.  The church in Plaisance is where you turn to get on the road that leads to Pilate.  I know someone whose family lives very near that church.   Anyone who has been following my blog knows of my experiences in Pilate. 

When I got back to BLB, I tried to get information.  Cap-Haitian was not really damaged, although certainly, people there would have really felt it since they were much closer; it would have been too strong there to blame a mouse.  The church that had fallen, (one online news station said that the facade of it had fallen), was in Plaisance, which is actually in the diocese of Cap-Haitian, though a distance from the city.  My thinking is that the priest may not know the northern part of Haiti very well and for that reason said Cap-Haitian instead of Port de Paix. I can understand him confusing Plaisance with Pilate since they both start with "P," and are close together.     I was relieved and grateful to learn that all of the sisters and people I know in Cap-Haitian were fine during the earthquake.  Apparently, the sisters there had a meeting last weekend and the shaking ground did not even deter their meetings. 

Thank you, to everyone who checked in on me; I appreciate your support.   

Let us all pray for all of those who lost loved ones and homes due to the earthquake last week. 

Fèt Sen Franswa (Feast of St. Francis)

Today is the feast of St. Francis of Assisi.  The Catholic Church here in Grand Goave is named for him making him the patron saint of Grand Goave and today a local feast day, or holiday.  Actually, the Catholic school children here have three days off from school, the day before, the day of and day after the fèt.  Even our children who attend the Protestant school did not have classes today, except certain grades had a physical education or exercise program at school this morning. 

Since Thursday is my day off I decided to attend the feast day liturgy at the parish.  It seemed like it would be a good experience of the local culture, would get me out of the building on my day off and I like St. Francis. I guessed it could be about three hours long, and I was correct; for years I consistently underestimated when predicting the length of Haitian masses. 

Parish feast days are a big deal for many parishes in Haiti and often for the towns (or neighborhoods in larger cities) that those parishes are in.  My first year in Cap-Haitian, I attended such a mass on the Feast of the  Immaculate Conception. Being in a different part of Haiti, helps me to get a sense of what aspects of culture are likely very common for the entire country as opposed to simply local traditions. Priests sometimes go to feast days of other parishes to celebrate.  Before the mass I wondered if  I would see any of the Holy Cross men; if any were there I did not recognize them.  There was, however, one familiar face on the altar, the presider actually.  I knew that several months ago the bishop responsible for the Archdiocese of Cap-Haitian had been transferred to Port-au-Prince and I knew that Grand Goave is in the diocese of Port-Au-Prince. Still, I was surprised to see him.  Just about a year ago the same bishop had presided over the perpetual profession liturgy of one of the Sisters of Holy Cross.  Although I don't know him, I had seen him at occasional events in Okap and some of the Holy Cross convents had his picture on the wall.  I was glad that at least this time he did some parts of the mass including some of the homily in Haitian Creole  While surrounded by a sea of new faces, it was kind of nice to see a somewhat familiar one. 

During the homily, the bishop spoke of St. Francis' love of the poor and the environment.  He discussed the importance of these issues in Haiti, where there are so many people in poverty and so many environmental problems. 

Of course, these problems do not exist just here in Haiti and nor are they only to be reflected upon on the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi.  Let us all consider how our actions affect the poor and the earth and pray for and support one another as together we strive to create a sustainable world where everyone's basic needs are adequately met. 

Bon Fèt Sen Franswa!  Happy Feast of St. Francis!