The other day I was wondering if I should include a blog update about my transfer from the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer to the Marinaites of Holy Cross, after all this blog is about Haiti. I barely finished the thought, when a realization followed. My connections to Haiti and my discernment regarding transferring as well as the transfer process itself are very much interconnected. There were parts of the story left out from this blog, in part because I needed some privacy and freedom to discern.
One of the main reasons for my restlessness in my previous congregation was my sense that I was being called to something else, to go where the needs are the greatest (that is not to say or infer that there are not great needs everywhere; there are.) Very early in 2010, I was already well into discerning the possibility of transferring, to the point of having some initial conversations with the leadership teams of both congregations. In one conversation I had with the provincial of the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer she wondered, how it would be for me to try staying a Sister of the Holy Redeemer and perhaps minister elsewhere for a time. I said I would discern about that possibility and spent a weekend by the Jersey shore praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit. I felt that God wanted me to try this, to see how it might be to remain a Sister of the Holy Redeemer while working in a ministry and place where sisters in that congregation generally have not served.
I met again with the provincial, one Sunday after mass and said that I did feel called to try this arrangement and not proceed with the transfer at that time, but stated that I could not promise that the call to transfer would go away, because I just did not know. At that point, I was not necessarily thinking about leaving the country, but being open to whatever God wanted. I thought I could go to Appalachia, rural Mississippi or might have even considered going across the (Delaware) river to live and serve in a poor section of Camden. Prior to meeting with me, I don't think Anne Marie had given much thought as to where I would go. It seems to me that she surprised herself when she said, something like, "If you want to go where the needs are the greatest, maybe you could go to Haiti?" The earth quake had just happened a couple of weeks earlier and at that moment I could not have thought of a place where the needs were any greater. When the earth quake happened, I was in the process of reading the book Mountains Beyond Mountains, by Tracey Kidder, which chronicles Paul Farmer's work in Haiti. Going to Haiti made perfect sense; my only concern was whether or not I would be able to learn the language.
When I was first in Haiti, I was focused on life in Haiti and gave little thought to transferring. By the Spring time, as the province was preparing for chapter, the possibility that I might be called to transfer arose again. I was realizing that discerning the possibility of transferring had already taken a lot of time and energy, so I promised myself I would make a decision during my retreat (in New Jersey) that summer and if the decision was not to transfer, I would with the grace of God really, finally let the idea go completely. On the afternoon of the last day of retreat, I still had no clarity, but did at one point reach a sense of peace with the possibility of not making a decision just yet. I remember thinking that I want God to hit me on the head with this and make it perfectly clear, and came to the conclusion that the perfect clarity I want from God, may never come. Then that very evening, God did hit me on the head with it, and provide the perfect clarity I had just decided might not exist. A Sister of the Holy Cross, who had been in a "small health care community" prior to "coming to Holy Cross" sat down next to me, and even though the meal was supposed to be in silence, having no idea that I had any connection to the Marinaites whatsoever, or that I was a member of a "small health care community" started a conversation with me. Everything she said regarding her own experiences, spoke to and eased my own fears about transferring. This was the clarity that I needed, at that point I knew I was called to start the transfer process.
It was also quite clear to me, that I would need to leave Haiti, sooner rather than later once I knew in my heart I would leave the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer and transfer to the Marianites of Holy Cross. It was not that I wanted to leave Haiti at that point, I had expected to stay of two years and had only been there about a year. An american sister, from another congregation, who I confided in while in Haiti, said to me "Haiti will always be here." Maybe someday God would invite me back to Haiti. (I did not even imagine that I would literally be returning to Haiti, 10 days after completing the transfer process.)
Several months ago when discussing my interest in ministering in collaboration with another Holy Cross congregation overseas it was stated that I would need to complete the three year transfer process before leaving on mission.
So basically, because I was discerning the possibility of transferring, ministering in Haiti became a possibility. The decision to transfer then became the main reason I left Haiti when I did. Now that the transfer process is complete, I will be going to Haiti, Si Bon Dye vle.
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